This too was a lesson of self-discovery!  Since I do believe in the freedom of speech, please feel free to provide your criticism, comments, and opinions. 

 And Yet You Still Continue to Burn

You took a lot from me that day,

that day at the end of May

And gave nothing in return,

not even an ounce of decency.

And yet you still continue to burn

I shared with you my weaknesses, insecurities, and vulnerabilities,

and instead of helping me rise above, you decided on exploitation

You disrespected my life that day by summing it up with vulgarities

Now I’m left here, instead of you, using the tool of analyzation

And yet you still continue to burn

I once referred to you as my friend, my brother, my inspiration

You made me eat those words that day, that day at the end of May

I keep pondering what purpose God had and why he put me in this position

I guess it was to see that like Lucifer, ones we call friends can resort to deception

And yet you still continue to burn

Though I’ve been granted the gift of internal reflection in my life

I know it’s you, old friend, who is consumed with bitterness and hurt

I see the writings of insecurities, hate, and weakness on the walls of your soul

Which was evident the day you blamed me for your trail of self-destruction

And yet you still continue to burn

I asked for your mercy and forgiveness and in return, gave me hurt til the bitter end

I will not go down that same path, but instead I will grant you what you would not do for me

You said your piece in the form of accusations, resent, hurt, and bitterness

I send mine in the form of love, respect, and honesty for this prose is my piece

And yet, I know, you will still continue to burn

-Travis L. Irvin

First order of business is to discuss my current location.  For those of you who don’t know, I’m currently living in the Golden State, more specifically, Sunny San Diego.  For those who don’t know the story, you may be surprised.  For those who do, let me refresh your memories. 

Two of my friends, David and Lauren, and I decided that the cold was no longer for us.  I met David over 5 years ago at UIC working together as Student Campus Security Officers.  Lauren and I met through David only a short time prior to moving out here.  David came out west for graduate school to obtain a Masters in Special Education and other various activities, and I believe Lauren came for the warmer weather.  I headed west for change.  I lost my job in November and that really made me take time to reflect on my life and thoroughly do some introspection.   Basically I somehow lost who I was and now I’m trying to find him.

Our original plan was that the 3 of us were going to live in San Francisco for about 5 months.  Well that didn’t work out so well.  For a detailed account of our journey, please refer to David’s blog here.

Coming out west actually turned out to be a journey for me instead of a destination.  This continuous journey has produced plenty of trials and tribulations for me.  I’ve grown so much as a result and that I will never forget.  The other day I was in serious thought and realized that this journey has blessed me with so many firsts in my life.  People who’ve known me for quite some time would probably say that I’m a well rounded or diverse person, but it will hopefully be as shocking to you as it was to me how many new things I’ve got to experience recently.  And all of this in a short amount of time.  So this blog is to focus on all the firsts I’ve experience on this Westward journey.

First off, this is the first time I’ve moved to another state.  Yes, I sold all my worldly possessions and picked up and moved to California with no job or place to live.  During this trip I got to see the desert for the first time!  Ooh how beautiful she is….and cold at night.  This brings up another first,…I slept in my car overnight at a truck stop on the border of New Mexico and Arizona.  I got to see my first cactus as well.  And most importantly, I pooped in the desert…yes this is one of my personal favorites!

Driving through the desert also has some cool man made wonders like the Hoover Damn.  Sorry I didn’t take any photos…this happens to be location I decided to use the restroom with no walls or doors, if you get my drift.  The Hoover damn is really close to the city of debauchery!  Yes kiddies….Las Vegas.  This would be my first time in Sin City.

So after Vegas we headed to San Francisco.  If you read David’s blog mentioned earlier in this post, you’ll know why we headed to San Francisco.  In San Francisco, I saw the Ocean for the first time.  Wow, what a Beaut!  There are so many emotions that come over you when looking at something that mesmerizing and endless. So I did what everyone else would do…tasted her…and she left me with a bitter taste( literally)!  San Francisco was an amazing place.  I saw the Painted Ladies, Chinatown, Coit Tower, Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, and Lombard street(aka. craziest street in America)  My roommates thought I would be a spectacular idea to walk up it.  I’m happy I’m still alive to talk about.  Because of that street, I am no longer a smoker. 

From San Francisco, David and I headed to San Diego in our van to look for our new home.  Lauren flew in the morning of for a job interview.  A couple days later we were all set up.  So since I’ve been in San Diego I’ve done a lot of firsts as well.  Can I say how amazing surfing is?  When you actually stand up on a board for the first time and feel the wave take you towards shore you get a sense of the water’s power.  Ooh and here is another funny first, I can now say I’ve peed myself…yes in my wetsuit!  This is something I’ve really wanted to do after a good friend, Katie Flynn, told me about peeing yourself in the water.  It was a freeing experience.

I can also now say that I’ve seen mountains and driven through them.  The names of all the various mountains I’ve seen I do not know.  I have some great pictures though.  We took a trip to Joshua Tree National Park where I climbed my first mountain!  I thought it was never going to end and I was about to give up!  So After about an hour of hiking, I reached the Top!  I wish I had the photo to show at the top, but my roommate hasn’t sent it to me yet.  So this one will have to do.

So now some really amazing first since I’ve been in San Diego, I got my passport and can now say I’ve been out of this country!  Yes Tecate, Mexico.  Of course that’s where they brew the beer with the same name.  David and I went over the border for a beer pretty much.  It was a great experience and can’t wait to go to Tijuana, even though all the locals are telling us it’s too unsafe to go due to some sort of cartel wars or something.  I’m not really scared though!

Last but not least, I flew home to surprise my mom for her 50th b-day!  Yes, she’s 50 even though I’m certain she probably says she 29.  This was my first experience in flight!  How awesome was this.  I got a window seat and was able to see so many amazing views of this great planet!  Flying at night is sweet too.  I guess now that I’m airborne, I need to try the mile high club, or that’s what I’ve been told anyway.  Well that’s it for my first blog.  I know there were so many firsts for me and I thank you for reading until the end.  I will leave you with some great photos of San Diego.

Now, it wouldn’t be fair for me to end my first post without giving thanks to a very special person.  If it wasn’t for him I don’t know if any of these new experiences would have been possible!  I came across this quote quite some time ago and it isn’t more appropriate than at this moment.  “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”  D.W. Jr, thanks for being my light!  I Love You, Brother, and I will always hold a special place in my heart for you.

- T. L. Irvin